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  • Writer's pictureLaine

The Pressure of "Skinny"

Updated: Dec 10, 2020

With a blog with the word "skinny" in the name I think it's important to talk about body image and my personal journey.


I have NEVER talked about this stuff before, haven’t really even been honest with myself up until fairly recently. Even after posting about it on social media, I received a call from my dad saying "I had no idea."

After I had Ivy, I felt SO lost and scared. I didn’t know how to be a mom, I didn’t think my boyfriend would want anything to do with me when my body was all jacked up from giving birth. I saw all these famous people pop out babies and look amazing the next day. My own grandma said she left the hospital wearing her size 0 jeans. Why didn’t I just get a flat belly right away, what was I supposed to do with all this skin and fat? I felt like a cow and then to top it off, I am breastfeeding so even more cow like. How was I ever gonna be someone my boyfriend would want again, how was he ever going to find me attractive? I felt like I was losing him already, I NEEDED to get my body back. I couldn’t control so much of my life at that time but I knew how to get skinny.

The literal second I was done breastfeeding (which was when she was about 4 months old) I went on a diet that consisted of about 500 calories a day (MAXIMUM). I was in a horrible depression so it was so easy for me to not eat and once I saw results and other people started noticing too, it was a wrap. It fueled my fire, whether people were complimenting or surprised to see how thin I was, it was like pouring gasoline on a fire.

The picture on the right is 7 months after I had Ivy and the height of my depression and eating disorder. The picture on the left is 8 years (and a lot of intentionality) later.

I started telling myself I didn’t deserve to eat and that I was disgusting. All in my head and all by myself. No one had any clue, and if they did they pretended they didn’t. I remember so clearly one night Derek ordering pizza and I just started crying, I couldn’t eat it. There was no discussion, I am sure I just made up a different reason as to why I cried, but I cried cause I wanted it so bad and I couldn’t allow myself to have it.

The point is, it got bad and lasted a long time. I was starting to gain weight back and normalize my eating when I got pregnant with Ezra. While pregnant I started going to therapy for fear that I would spiral into a depression again after having him. I never addressed my eating or body image issues I just truly pretended they weren’t a thing. After I had him, I worked hard in not slipping into the same patterns, I was better this time around but guess what? The NEED to be skinny was still there, I was more careful to not get to the point I did with Ivy but I was still skipping meals and overly working out. If I ate an “inappropriate” amount I would make myself sick. Being skinny was THE GOAL. I wanted to be the mom everyone said “omg you had 2 kids” to.

Looking back on it, I am in disbelief with myself. How did I get there? Why did I place ALL of my worth in how I looked?

When I got pregnant with Eden I prayed and prayed that it would be different this time. I didn’t want to suffer with postpartum again, I COULDN’T go through that again. I had my kids counting on me, my daughter was getting older. I started to admit to myself, and my mom about my struggle with weight and body image. I talked about how I didn’t want to go crazy anymore to attain “perfection.” I wanted to just be happy and soak up this time.

By the literal grace of God and support of my husband, mom and a few trusted friends, I was able to start to accept myself and stop the madness. I had my beautiful baby girl in a brand new city and I started anew. I didn’t need to be Laine the “skinny mom.” I could just be Laine the mom of 3. I took the pressure off myself and started to embrace where I was and what I had just done. I grew a human inside of my body for 9 months and I don’t need to get back down to pre baby weight in any rush or even at all.

The journey of acceptance is still ongoing. I am still learning to love myself, to love my body and to embrace my curves, my imperfections, my cellulite or stretch marks. I want to be healthy, strong, and confident but more than anything, I just want to appreciate where I am today and not strive to be more (or less) just to live in gratitude for all my body has done for me thus far.

Skinny Mom Jeans. A name I struggled with in relaunching. This isn’t a blog about being “skinny.” It’s a place where ALL are welcome. Where mental and physical health are the focus. A place where we release pressure to be any certain way.

Skinny Mom Jeans

A play on words meaning just cause we’re mamas doesn’t mean we have to retire our skinny jeans and run around in mom jeans and drive mini vans (although I own both and LOVE them so... DO YOU)


300 views2 comments


Dec 10, 2020

Keep sharing! You are helping other women by sharing details of your life. Love you


Dec 10, 2020

Gosh how I love you... this is so encouraging and you are beautiful!!

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